Mother Knows Best (and I've been called a mutha...)

After the kiddos hit the sack last night, I roamed my Blogger dashboard and rediscovered my former blog. For no identifiable reason, I read the posts. Perhaps such nostalgia should have been saved for the daylight hours. Well, live and learn.

One of the posts from May 2008 announces a trip to California to accompany my then ailing mum to various medical appointments. I remember knowing that something was terribly wrong with her and believing that the solution was as simple as an accurate diagnosis.

Skip ahead to the next post, a month and a half later. I composed it 8 hours before my mom died. As I reread my words, everything flooded back--worry, anger, resentment, and above all else, fear. And my fight-or-flight reflexes kicked in. Here I am, years later, Pandora's Box open wide. Last night, every muscle raged to kick things, scream, call my mum's doctors to remind them of what I've lost.

But one thing that 36 years with my mum plus 2 1/2 years without her have taught me is that sometimes your first instinct could be entirely wrong. Everything looks different in the natural light so it may be best to step back and really analyze the situation. I took a scalding-hot shower and thought that if it's 1 A.M. here, then it's only 11 P.M. in California, so it wouldn't do any good to call the hospital with my rants because I probably wouldn't be waking anyone up (never mind that the offices were closed, anyway). And what's the point of a middle-of-the-night rant if you're not making someone on the other end miserable?

Today is sunny and cool, the air is fairly still. Basically, it's a perfect day in Texas, providing what Mum would agree is the perfect light. Everyone looks amazing and perfect on a day like today and troubles, well, it's much easier to remember that they're temporary. Everything is.

It's over 12 hours since my "episode." I spent the morning having coffee with two of the most amazing women I have the privilege to know, followed by an hour of listening to my boy's school rave about how fantastic he is. Yes, I'm still miffed about my mum getting the shaft, but she promised me that everything would be fine, and she was right.

Same blog, six months later, exactly two years ago from today... I declared the Year of Michelle. At the time, I figured that if I could make myself a "better" person and make good things happen for myself, good things would happen for others around me as a result. I've spent two years stage-hopping through grief, while the Year of Michelle took a backseat to other priorities.

But without even trying, things have changed for me. My family and I have shared around a zillion laughs, my kiddos reached milestones, I've become kinder and less judgmental, and I have a much closer relationship with my dad. I've overcome my fear of singing in public (well, sort of), become more fiscally responsible, read some of the best strings of written words, and found a way to pay homage to the females who mean everything to me.

So really, Year of Michelle rolls on. I'll continue to hammer out power ballads on my drums, drive like the old lady in Ferris Bueller's Day Off, alert people who have food between their teeth or toilet paper from their shoes, and marvel at how a smartass like me has such sweet, helpful, disciplined, well-rounded kiddos.

One more task is added to the mix. I will no longer take peaceful moments for granted. It's one thing to notice a pretty flower when you're walking past it, but it's quite another to actually stop and smell it. So I challenge you to do the same. Every now and then, just stop to consider that everything is actually okay. And if it isn't, then it will be. I assure you of this because my mum told me so.

What Are Ya Gonna Do? *shrugs*

Over a year ago, I went on a password-changing spree. It's a good idea to change passwords on various accounts every now and then, since we live in a world of some serious whackadoodles who have no issue with sucking the fun out of all things online. Anyhoo, this created issues with accessing my blog. Every time I've wanted to post, I have had to change my password. It's a pain in the nethers. My solution? Kick the dirt, pout, then move on.

I'm sitting with my breakfast sandwich (1/4 cup egg whites, an egg, garlic, green onion, a wedge of Laughing Cow Light Swiss, on two slices of Double-Fiber bread). As I took the first bite, I thought about some of my strange habits. For example, I cut my sandwiches into triangles (rectangles have been known to disturb me*) and eat the piece with the rounded top first. Why? Because I favor the half with three points so I save it for last.

When I go to the bookstore, I always troll in the same order: periodicals, exercise and makeup books, knitting and sewing books, reference, graphic novels, kids' books (if I have kiddos with me), then novels. If I'm purchasing, I do so in the cafe where I order a soy latte. My route moves me through the store in a clockwise manner. Since breaking habits is supposed to be good for the brain, I have tried to change up the order a few times. But that left me feeling unsettled.

Between this post and Ravelry trolling, I've spent enough time to safely get off my bum and move around rigorously. I changed my password for this? Neat-o.

*Note: I have no issue when someone else makes a sandwich for me then cuts it into rectangles. I'm not one to look a gift-horse in the mouth.

Aye, Me Bum!

Simple rules when faced with trying times:
1. Acknowledge the feeling.
2. Embrace it.
3. Release it.

Easy. I turn to this list when something makes me sad, angry, or even confused. Of late, however, there is one thing that has me completely baffled to the point where I can't even name the feeling...

Aging.

I would never want to be the head-in-the-clouds dumbass that I was at 21 (although I wouldn't mind having my 21-year-old ass back). But dang, it was so easy to take things for granted. Pimple before a date? Smack some concealer on it! A little too much to love around the middle? Why, add four more sit-ups to the routine and drink more water! Bender the night before? A couple of aspirin and greasy tacos! Aches and pains? What are those?!

As I approach 40, the answers change. Pimple before one of three dates a year with my husband? Why the heck am I still getting pimples! A little too much to love around the middle? To my children: Yeah, you're welcome! Bender the night before? The nights are perfect for catching up on chores, TiVo, and crashing out on the couch to wake up at 3 AM with a magazine page stuck to my face! Aches and pains? Aye, where do I begin?

When I was 21, I had no idea that how you age isn't so much about making a conscious decision to grow old gracefully, but rather a culmination of little decisions that lead to how well we age. For example, when faced with the decision to either go to the gym or take the day off, well, in the grand scheme of things, one day might not look like it would make a difference. But overall, that one workout takes you one workout closer to your overall goal. Applying that same logic, skipping that one workout can keep you one workout away from your overall goal. And there is nothing wrong with taking the middle road--resting and doing half a workout. But when faced with choices--i.e. hit the gym or head into downtown Frankfurt with friends--I generally chose the latter. I don't regret it, but it's something to think about.

At 28, I came to realize that the popular people on TV were, for the most part, younger than I. This realization sucked because I was a single mom and I wasn't ready to feel old.

On my 30th birthday, I took the day off from work. The kiddos were in school and the fella who is now my husband was sleeping so I went to a park and cried (a bit dramatic, considering it was just about crossing the threshold into another decade). Then I took a nap.

Now whenever I hang out with my step-daughter who is now 16, I am constantly reminded (although silently, unintentionally, and without malice) that I am getting older. Older. Hm.

Okay, so bad decisions and theatrics aside, what about aging? We can't avoid it. Sure, our physical appearances do...whatever. But why am I so hung up on it? Because weird things are happening to my body. I'm not talking about puberty or menopause, I'm just saying that some things now point to my shoes and other things have developed strange aches in places I didn't know aches could exist. And despite my efforts, stuff happens. Gravity. Muscle pains that don't make sense (like, my calves are sore after BodyPump--geez). And you know what I find even weirder about aging? I'm living healthier than I ever have and weird things are still happening. I floss daily, I drink water, I exercise, I wear sunblock.

There is no choice between being a dumb animal of 21 or a wise neurotic of one's late 30s. And while I have acquired years of wisdom and accomplishment, I still stand around and wonder, why do my bum muscles ache like they took a bum whooping? Hm.

[Insert Clever Blog Title Here]

I can't wrap my head around the fact that we are already in the throes of June 2010. Seriously. This blog has been neglected since February and this very idea cracks me up. While I would love to attribute this hilarious (in my mind) fact to a jam-packed schedule of kids' activities, volunteer work, and running a household, the simple truth is that I received an iPhone for my birthday. So, not only am I one of those annoying douchebags with an iPhone, but the dang thing has kept me from needing a PC. I Facebook on that thing, as well as check my Twitter, Yahoo! IM, and even keep updated on Good Reads. Well, I bank on a PC, but that's been pretty much it. I did try to blog on my iPhone once and that didn't go over too well. The problem? I had forgotten my Blogger password. Geez.

So I am back on a PC. Why? Well, my office/craft room is starting to take shape. Shortly after my mom died, my dad came out here with a big ol' trailer packed with her stuff. We unloaded it into the garage and into this room, but the wounds hadn't scabbed over yet so I couldn't really walk in here without a meltdown. Things changed gradually and now, well, it's still a mess, but it's a bit more of an organized mess, if that makes sense. I recorded a video of the room before I started moving things around. Maybe I'll get around to posting it and shooting another one to show the progress. Believe me, you needed a road map or a trail of bread crumbs to navigate your way out of here at one point.

Things are going to be a little busier this fall. I am now a Girl Scout troop leader (stop laughing) and have two jobs with the PTA (stop laughing). However, I'm not one to take on more than I can reasonably handle, so these new things should keep me out of trouble next year (really, stop laughing). As for the summer, busy, busy, busy, as summers generally are. It's Mija's first legitimate summer vacation, so we're spending lots of time at the library, as well as other places with central AC. I will probably try to find work in August, since I really want Senor to go back to school next year. We'll see.

It's sprinkling/raining, but I promised Mijo that we would go to the gym. So until next time, hasta lluego.

Man Vs. Couch

I'm not a big fan of the gym in January. It is a natural part of American life to make New Year's resolutions, one of them being to lose weight. While I'm all for people getting off the couch and putting down the Velveeta, I hate the gym congestion. People galore! Wall-to-wall people determined to make this year's resolution stick--for a few weeks, anyway.

Since I can't just ditch the gym completely, I avoid it during the weekends. My light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel was February, since that's when people start falling off and the gym starts returning to normal.

A few weeks ago, I went to a BodyPump class on Thursday and found the class size to be shockingly normal. Hooray! People were flaking already.

That's when it hit. I actually felt sad. If the gym was returning to normal, that meant that people weren't making it beyond a full month on their road to better health. The couch and TV won. Diabetes won. Obesity won. That means people lose the battle.

Of course, last Thursday, BodyPump was so packed that I couldn't get in the door. *sigh* People...!

C'mon, March!

Name Brand Versus Store Brand, Part 1

For the last few years, I've been on a bit of a Suze Orman kick. It sure does suck when times are lean, so it's nice to have some money-saving strategies to prevent sleep loss (sleep loss results in darker undereye circles, which means you have to spend more money on concealer...you get my drift).

A few months ago, I started a personal "Name Brand Versus Store Brand" campaign, an effort to learn what products are worth springing some extra dough on, and where a few pennies can be pinched. So far, the results have been interesting. While I have tested many different items, I'm only going over a few.

Comparison 1:
Kraft Macaroni & Cheese vs. Hill Country Fare Macaroni & Cheese (from HEB)

Macaroni & cheese is a prime example of nitrates at their tastiest. Face it, boxed mac & cheese is a guilty pleasure that we can indulge in once in a while. Granted, some of the vegan lines have produced healthier versions of this fine fare, but I'm not talking about any of that stuff. Anyway, Hill Country Fare is around $.20 less than the Kraft brand, margarine and milk are added in the same quantities, and the tastes and textures are the same. Since I tend to purchase four boxes at a time, I'm sticking with the Hill Country Fare. FYI, I also tried Market Pantry (from Target) mac & cheese and was equally impressed.

Comparison 2:
Oreo Double-Stuff sandwhich cookies vs. Market Pantry Cookies n' Double Cream (from Target)

If you're grabbing Double Stuff Oreos from the shelf, odds are you want some extra cream between your crispy cookies (is my mind alone in the gutter, or did that sound naughty?). Anyway, Market Pantry's crisp cookie and creamy center (*sigh*) compare in both taste and texture to the name brand; however, Market Pantry skimps on the creamy center. It's pretty much like a regular sandwich cookie. Since I'm a cookie twister, I look for that extra cream. So in this case, I'm going to have to side with the Oreos. It's a shame, since Market Pantry sandwich cookies are just $1.99/package.

Comparison 3:
Neutrogena The Sensual Moisturizer Body Oil vs. Hill Country Essentials Body Oil (from HEB)

With a price difference of over a dollar for an entire product, this was worth looking into. The ingredient lists are identical, although I'm sure the proportions of said ingredients are different. In HEB, I unscrewed both caps and took a sniff of each oil. I've always liked the smell of the Neutrogena oil, and while the Hill Country oil had a similar smell, there was something about it that was...weird. I couldn't quite figure it out, maybe the smell is stronger or more floral, and I'm still unsure. I bought it anyway, thinking that if it sucked, I'd simply return it. Sesame oil has decent moisturizing benefits and it doesn't clog pores.

I keep the oil in my gym bag and use it after "Shower, Pt. 1" (more on that some other time, but I really do call it that) while my skin is still damp, then head into the steam room. (Yes, I know I shouldn't use products in the steam room. I guess I am a little naughty. No present from Santa for me.) Without the Neutrogena oil at the ready for a comparison, I could no longer distinguish the difference in smell between the two products. The Hill Country oil works just as effectively as the the Neutrogena, too. Both products fall into that a-little-goes-a-long-way category, so for the savings, I'm going to stick with the Hill Country stuff.

There are a few things that I simply won't compromise, regardless of savings.

• Q-Tips (My husband is no longer allowed to buy cotton swabs because twice he bought store brand instead of J & J, as I requested. Other brands are simply sticks with a little fuzz attached to the ends.)
• Aquaphor (This stuff is so good for keeping skin nice when the weather suddenly shifts. Plus, it moisturizes lips and keeps tattoos nice.)
• Tampons (Reasons are obvious. I do some strange things that may embarrass the average adult, but even returning unused tampons to the store because they're terrible is beyond my scope.)

NOTE: All products mentioned in this post were purchased by my family with our money. We do not represent any of the companies listed; we were not sent free products by said companies; we are in no way compensated for this blog post. All opinions expressed in this blog post are honest the sole property of me.

Summoning My Inner Holiday Cheerleader

Christmas is not my favorite holiday. It's commercialized, people in the malls are even more douchey than usual, blah, blah, blah. The truth is, no matter how much I don't want to like Christmas, it's hard to maintain a crappy attitude when you have a 5-year old and a 14-year old who love all things Christmas and are charming and sweet about the whole thing. Therefore, I suppose it can be said that I am warming up to this particular holiday.

Sometime next week, I will devote an entire 6-hour block (when the kiddos are at school) to gift wrapping. Although the cold front will be but a memory, I will head out for a quick run, throw on some comfy yoga pants (after a shower, indeed), and cram as many marshmallows as humanly possible into my coffee. However, the most important step in the gift-wrapping process is my video playlist. My Christmas video playlist consists of films that may not focus on Christmas, but it's at least mentionted, and the movies themselves make me feel pretty darned good. Here goes.

1. It's a Wonderful Life--Duh, right? I mean, this movie is genius, pure genius. I love a sweet remake of a classic anyway, but what makes this movie extra special for me can be summed up in two words--James Stewart. When you combine him with Frank Capra, you get magic. And yes, "...whenever a bell rings, an angel gets his wings." Just bear in mind that whenever someone rolls his/her eyes at the contents of my blog, an angel's wings catch fire. I'm just sayin'.

2. The Family Man--One of Nicolas Cage's finest films, definitely underrated. One of the things I love about this story is that Jack Campbell's life-assuming-he-went-to-London isn't really bad. I mean, there isn't anything wrong with it. He is simply shown an alternative to that life. Don Cheadle plays a great angel.

3. Serendipity--There are so many things I love about this movie, I don't know where to begin. John Corbett's hair doesn't make the list. Anyway, the plot is clever. And Christmas shopping at Bloomingdales? They could have done worse. Even Molly Shannon didn't ruin the movie.

4. Love Actually--I don't even have to give an explanation, do I? I mean, even the soundtrack is exquisite.

5. A Charlie Brown Christmas--This is seriously one of the best Christmas movies ever made. Ever. Seriously. It doesn't contain any of that Oh-Santa-is-in-trouble-and-we-can't-have-Christmas-without-him! crap. Instead, it shows the true meaning of Christmas through a grody little tree. I love the fact that Charlie Brown chooses a tree because, well, it needs someone to give it a chance; it is fan-bloody-tastic. After the other kids laugh Charlie Brown out of the scene, Linus gives them the score. I.Love.It.

At the end of the day, I hope that all of you are hanging in there and enjoying the holidays. Some things are beyond our control, so I hope you find solace to cope in those areas, or at least aren't stressing too much about them. May your health be excellent and your heart full of love.