Summoning My Inner Holiday Cheerleader

Christmas is not my favorite holiday. It's commercialized, people in the malls are even more douchey than usual, blah, blah, blah. The truth is, no matter how much I don't want to like Christmas, it's hard to maintain a crappy attitude when you have a 5-year old and a 14-year old who love all things Christmas and are charming and sweet about the whole thing. Therefore, I suppose it can be said that I am warming up to this particular holiday.

Sometime next week, I will devote an entire 6-hour block (when the kiddos are at school) to gift wrapping. Although the cold front will be but a memory, I will head out for a quick run, throw on some comfy yoga pants (after a shower, indeed), and cram as many marshmallows as humanly possible into my coffee. However, the most important step in the gift-wrapping process is my video playlist. My Christmas video playlist consists of films that may not focus on Christmas, but it's at least mentionted, and the movies themselves make me feel pretty darned good. Here goes.

1. It's a Wonderful Life--Duh, right? I mean, this movie is genius, pure genius. I love a sweet remake of a classic anyway, but what makes this movie extra special for me can be summed up in two words--James Stewart. When you combine him with Frank Capra, you get magic. And yes, "...whenever a bell rings, an angel gets his wings." Just bear in mind that whenever someone rolls his/her eyes at the contents of my blog, an angel's wings catch fire. I'm just sayin'.

2. The Family Man--One of Nicolas Cage's finest films, definitely underrated. One of the things I love about this story is that Jack Campbell's life-assuming-he-went-to-London isn't really bad. I mean, there isn't anything wrong with it. He is simply shown an alternative to that life. Don Cheadle plays a great angel.

3. Serendipity--There are so many things I love about this movie, I don't know where to begin. John Corbett's hair doesn't make the list. Anyway, the plot is clever. And Christmas shopping at Bloomingdales? They could have done worse. Even Molly Shannon didn't ruin the movie.

4. Love Actually--I don't even have to give an explanation, do I? I mean, even the soundtrack is exquisite.

5. A Charlie Brown Christmas--This is seriously one of the best Christmas movies ever made. Ever. Seriously. It doesn't contain any of that Oh-Santa-is-in-trouble-and-we-can't-have-Christmas-without-him! crap. Instead, it shows the true meaning of Christmas through a grody little tree. I love the fact that Charlie Brown chooses a tree because, well, it needs someone to give it a chance; it is fan-bloody-tastic. After the other kids laugh Charlie Brown out of the scene, Linus gives them the score. I.Love.It.

At the end of the day, I hope that all of you are hanging in there and enjoying the holidays. Some things are beyond our control, so I hope you find solace to cope in those areas, or at least aren't stressing too much about them. May your health be excellent and your heart full of love.

An Adult's Guide To Black Friday

The cold hard truth about Black Friday is that the stores really don't slash prices much (with the exception of televisions and large appliances). Black Friday is about the atmosphere. There's a ton of energy in the air and a strange kind of excitement. This is for the newbs and those who dread heading out, but do it anyway.

For the Nosey People Out There...

I am pretty nosey by nature and I believe that pretty much everyone is (even if they won't admit it). Lately, I'm enjoying the "What's in my purse" posts on YouTube, and have watched many gals spill the contents of their purses. Some people carry some wacky stuff (not judging!). Big bags, little bags...It's all in good fun.

Anyway, I decided to post the contents of my bag. Enjoy! (Unless, of course, you have no interest in knowing about the junk I carry around. I confess that it's not that exciting.)

Life Goes On

I have been on the fence about posting this blog because I don't want it to bring anyone down. Rather, I wish to offer hope and perspective to someone who may need it. If I come across as obtuse or distant, it is unintentional.

Last August marked the one-year anniversary of my mom's death. Therefore, we are on round two of the stuff that she's missing, i.e. her birthday (last month). Here are a few conclusions I have reached over the last 14 months in regards to living after someone important has died:

1. If you have a spouse, child or a decent relationship with your parent(s), then you probably know how it feels to love someone more every single day. Well, this increasing love doesn't stop when someone dies.

2. Time doesn't heal all wounds. I don't feel any "better" about my mom's death; I've just learned how to deal with it and live differently. I still have moments of despair, but they sure aren't every single day.

3. My mom's death has forced me to take inventory of the things that truly matter, things that I actually believe, and unanswerable questions that I need to accept.

What the...?!

Misogyny is everywhere--I get that. Never mind that we are in 2009 and are an evolved society. But seriously, did girl-bashing have to invade the candy aisle?



I spotted this gem in the British(-inspired) foods end cap at my local HEB. There are several things about this candy bar that bother me.

1. The image of the female is not only wearing a short skirt, but carrying a tiny purse, as well. Talk about a stereotype. If said image corresponds to the slogan, "It's not for girls!" then can a grown woman with kiddos and a stretchier body enjoy this candy? Really, almost every mom I know carries a bag so big that it should probably have its own wheels. Plus, some of us who've had multiple pregnancies still have a body that has no business wearing anything that short. I'm just sayin'. Also, the girl could at least have hair on her head.

2. Yes, this may be some sort of reverse psychology--I mean, who markets chocolate to men and not women?--but assuming that it's not, the nutritional facts are located in the usual place, with the calorie count (over 350[!] for all 5 pieces) in big numbers right next to the slogan. Unfortunately, I channeled my inner male when I bought this. In other words, I ate a piece (or two, or three...) before I read the label. Whatever.

3. For all intents and purposes, it's tasty. Yeah, I said it.

4. I bought misogynistic candy. Effing hormones.

Tattoo You...?

I love tattoos. If you hate them, I ask that you please just move on to the next blog.

Allow me to make this perfectly clear--I am not an expert in tattoos. I know little to nothing about them, or the process of getting one. Like many others, I am familiar with the thought process behind considering one. With that said, I have compiled a short list of things to think about before one gets his or her first tattoo.

1. A friend of mine does tattoos. He told me that when someone tells him that s/he wants to get a tatt but doesn't know what s/he wants, my friend suggests "a cowboy riding a tube of toothpaste." Tattoos don't score anyone cool points, and just like herpes, they are forever. Therefore, they need to have meaning. Getting a tattoo just for the sake of having a tattoo is like wearing a Vera Wang gown to your wedding, but not taking a shower. It's a bad idea.

2. If you refuse to have your legs waxed or use an Epilady (or one of the nifty modern versions) because it would hurt too much, perhaps a tattoo isn't such a brilliant idea for you. Unless the technician is a freaking idiot and makes the wax too hot, getting waxed doesn't hurt. Stop cringing, it really doesn't. Never mind the baby soft skin you're left with, waxing is totally worth it (although I don't know about the bikini area--I'm way too chicken to try it). Now getting a tattoo, on the other hand, is like a thousand fiery rubber bands shooting into one spot. Waxing and the Epilady are uncomfortable, but getting a tattoo can be painful.

3. Choose the artist wisely. Word of mouth generally works best. If you see someone with great tatts, ask where s/he got them done and more importantly, ask for the name of the artist. Believe it or not, some people can draw beautifully, but can't tattoo worth a darn. For instance, my nephew has a talented friend who learned how to do tatts by watching videos on YouTube (*ahem*). In a shop, look for overall shop cleanliness and check out the artists' portfolios.

4. If the artist sketches something that is exactly what you asked for but you don't like it, speak up. If the end result is less than satisfactory, let the artist know immediately so s/he has a chance to make changes. Refer to the herpes analogy from #1. (Note: Letting an ugly tattoo heal then going to another artist and badmouthing the previous artist [without expressing your concerns to said artist] is just terrible behavior that could result in bad juju. Don't say I didn't warn you. But if you told the artist that you don't like your tatt and s/he refuses to do anything about it, talk all the smack you want.)

5. The person who made the rule "Go big or go home" is an asshole. Yeah, you can make your first tattoo as big and elaborate as you want, but you can also drive a car with your feet. Does that mean it's a good idea? Seriously, if you're paying good money for someone to poke you with needles so you can have permanent art on your body, you can go small. Those jerks on TV make getting a tattoo look easy because they don't want to look like pansies. If you've never had a tattoo, you don't know how you're going to respond to the pain. I don't care if a hundred people you know, including your mom, say that it's not a big deal. Until the rule is abolished, it should be modified to state, "Go big, or small, or something in between."

6. Sal, from Tattoo Nation in San Antonio (210-499-4653, 19314 Us-281 N, #105, on 281 and Redland), suggests that the best things to do when you're getting a tattoo are to relax and breathe. I do not recommend chewing gum because most people hold stress in their jaws, so the gum chewing makes it hard to get mellow because those muscles are working instead of relaxing. Focus on the deep breathing--yes, a little like childbirth--and relax those muscles. If you need to listen to Kenny G. to get in the zone, you might want to bring headphones.

7. Don't bother bringing someone with you. Unless your friend/family member/significant other loves watching paint dry, it's pointless to have someone tag along. Plus, it can be annoying when they hover (not to be confused with observing). Anyone who watches L.A. Ink wants to kick Aubrey every time she sticks her face in someone's work. Now, I know that the artist is getting paid to do the tattoo and your buddy should be allowed to watch, but that person needs to respect personal boundaries because there are some people you just shouldn't piss off. Your tattoo artist is at the top of that list, along with the person who serves you food.

8. Let's say you have a brand spankin' new tatt, just glistening with A&D ointment, and it's your new found glory. Take good care of it. The first few days are like having a puppy. It'll do some crazy things (i.e. ooze, fade a bit), so it needs extra care.

9. ETA: Make sure your tetanus inoculation is up to date. I'm just sayin'...

Again, none of these little tidbits are Bible truth. They're just a few points to consider before getting tattoos. I hope this helps.

Come On Let's Sweat!

If you're in one of those I-don't-wanna-laugh-with-someone-I'd-rather-laugh-at-them moods, you've come to the right place. Today, I learned that I've been roaming the gym with a false sense of security and, well, smugness.

My gym is one of those types where people do indeed go for business, but they also have to look good while doing it. Therefore, the women wear cute workout clothes and makeup while they sweat. I would love to know what kind of makeup they use that stays on during such humid conditions, but I digress. Unlike these women who are the majority, I show up in t-shirts and sweats/yoga pants. In this economy, I just don't have the funds to buy cute gym clothes unless they're on serious markdown at Target or Ross. No big deal. Regardless, I go to the gym for me. I want to improve my health so I can improve my quality of life.

It is this attitude that has resulted in my sense of badassness. On cardio days, I Bogart a treadmill or an elliptical machine, and work my arse off to my favorite tunes. Yes, I still call them "tunes." Anyway, after kicking so much arse to the beats of The Killers or Red Hot Chili Peppers, I hit the showers feeling strong! Sexy! 007-ish!

Until today. In one of the dressing rooms, I took off my pants and saw--gasp!--two smiley faces of sweat under my panty line. If I saw them after I took my pants off, then everyone saw them while my sweat was smiling at my behind. Okay, perhaps this doesn't sound as devastating when you're reading it. It's probably one of those things you have to see to get the full funny effect.

Anyway, this episode did not come without a lesson: Buy better pants. Sell off some yarn stash, in necessary. I suppose I should just be glad that I didn't wear a thong today.